Slow (5 minute prompt)

A prompt with Kate Motaung, 5 minutes and no editing.  I try not to think too far in advance so that I can just be real but I saw the word last night and am still writing about what I thought about last night.  Also, I am seeing that I am going to have to schedule writing time this summer. I love my kids very much and finding ten minutes in the day to write might be kind of tricky.

I have been slowing down a lot lately. After the miscarriage, I’ve tried to just slow down, to write, to think, to cry when I need to. Instead of pushing through and avoiding my feelings when they need to be dealt with.  It is hard though because I just want to go back to the way things were before. I think that’s the hardest part of grief and loss.  You remember how things were before the pain started and you long for that person, for that life.  You long for the simpler time when you lived your routine and things were pretty normal.

Blake and I went to Panda Express tonight for the best date night ever. It was so great to escape the house for an hour.  There were a lot of college kids while we were there talking and laughing and just having the time of their lives.  I wanted to go up to them and say, “Enjoy this time.  Because all the problems you think you have right now will fade away and real ones will show up.”  I am not minimizing the problems that 20 somethings have in their lives.  They are real and they are hard and stressful.  But there is something about beginning a family that makes your feelings and emotions so much stronger.  And your love and your fear and your sadness and anger.  It’s a blessing and a curse, but mostly a blessing.  Because you get to feel these things and teach and learn and grow, you become who you are meant to be.  And this is what I am discovering in the slowness of these days in the past few weeks.