In my church, we have a time each Sunday during services when we are able to stop (with children seated quietly, ha) and have a few minutes of reflection. I usually think about what I can do better, how I can be a better wife and nicer mom and how I can better follow Jesus Christ. Today, I was thinking about the past two weeks and how life has slowed down for me, a good thing but still wanting my life to be slow and fear about going forward. Or fear of being too busy and hitting the wall, so to speak. And then I felt or heard or whatever you want to call it, that fear is not faith.
I can’t have fear in my life and faith at the same time. If I am afraid of how I am going to go forward or handle the week or the future, unknown and scary at times, then how can I have faith or hope? How can I have faith that God knows what my plan is, even though my plan might be different from His? If I have fear in my heart, how can I send my kids to school or start something new or even get out of bed? I must have faith. I must have faith that God knows me and my situation and even that His heart, every compassionate and loving, is breaking for my sadness. That He would change it but He knows what I need. I need this faith in my life or I might just curl up into a ball and stay there! I know that faith is a gift. It is a gift for me and for you and for anyone who will believe in God. And when we use our faith, it grows stronger and better and we can have peace in our lives.
The past few days, I have felt a lot of peace. I was a little scared because I thought I’ll have a few days of peace and then I’ll be sad for a long time. But that is no way to live. Heavenly Father has blessed me with peace, even in my sadness. It is an interesting mix but it is real and it works. He has blessed me to be able to take care of my family, even if it means ramen for dinner. He has blessed me to hope in the future, even if my present seems a little bleak. He has blessed me to know that in the midst of trial, peace is a real thing and it carries you. Peace has carried me many times, when Blake’s brother passed away, when we moved to Iowa from Las Vegas and had William a week later, when I was torn if I should homeschool or not. Peace has been my companion even in the hard times, no, especially in the hard times. I know that faith and peace are real and that they go hand in hand. I hope you can feel this same peace in your life. I know you can, if you try to feel it. God loves all of us, in good times and in bad. What a blessing. What peace.
This quote came from this talk.