I have a lot of writing ideas going through my head right now. It’s a cold and sunny day and I went to the dentist and didn’t have any cavities. Then, I got to talk to my dad on the phone. He does not like talking on the phone really, but he calls me to check on me and to talk about tiling the tub and ice cream. Then I went to Aldi, (who here knows Aldi?) and found the best colorful Tupperware. I came home and turned on the fireplace and had cocoa and sat on the couch. I have ten loads of laundry to fold and floors to sweep. I have writing to do for my friend, Katie. Which I will do, just not right now.
Sometimes I wake up with a positive mindset and I am feeling a little bit healed. Sometimes I wake up and I already need a nap. Sometimes I wake up feeling sad.
Today, I woke up with purpose. I get a little nervous on days like this because I am accomplishing things but then I get worried that I will hit the wall. The wall where I have avoided (on purpose or on accident) thinking or talking about the miscarriages. I get worried that I will do great for a week then backslide into that bad place that nobody likes to go. What a great way to live, right?
Luckily, I have a great husband and family who I am busy taking care of that keep me from laying in bed on the bad days. But those days do exist and they are hard. I have been trying to take things as they come. My Aunt Joyce (wise woman) told me, “Be kind to yourself for the next few months.” I often try to jump back into life after something hard has happened. I think “I’ll just run more.” or “I’ll organize the house and finish all the house projects.” That will keep me busy. But sometimes you can’t be busy. Sometimes you have to feel all the feelings and cry the tears and have the frustration and anger because it helps you to move forward.
Three weeks ago, I laid in bed all day and napped and read.
Two weeks ago, I had sick kids so we hung out most of the week.
One week ago, I got dressed more frequently and started making dinner again.
This week, I went to the dentist and the store and wasn’t about to cry.
It’s all about progress. Even if it is slow progress, it is still progress. I wonder how many of you can relate to this. I am sure a lot. We all have hard things in our lives. Sometimes we are able to deal with them and sometimes we aren’t. I think we just have to keep trying every day and sometimes every hour. Sometimes a day happens where we all made it through the day alive and that is all that matters. I know Jesus Christ understands these days and these feelings. He felt all of our pain. I am grateful to know that because on the hard days, He is there. He wants me to be kind to myself. He wants me to do the best I can. He believes in me, therefore, I believe in me.
This is my favorite picture of Jesus. It hangs on our wall. I love it because he looks so normal here. He isn’t normal but he looks normal. He looks like us. He knows us.
Found here (You can download for free and have it printed)