Since most of my Wednesdays haven’t been following my “What’s Cookin” Wednedsay” series, why start now? I wrote for myself tonight. I typed furiously all my feelings and fears and frustrations and I was brutally honest. Why is it hard to be brutally honest with ourselves? I think of things over and over again, afraid to admit them when really, they need to come out. And once I admitted what was bothering me, I felt a lot better! I wrote for a long time and when the thing that was bothering me came out, I actually stopped and thought, “That was what was bothering me.”
Why is it this way? I seem to have to go around and around in circles before I get to the real problem. My husband and friends are very patient as I try to figure out what the deal is. I think that is why writing is good for me. I start out trying to be more fun and positive but sometimes the truth isn’t positive. Sometimes it is downright crappy. But once you face it, you have space to deal with it. Heck, you might even learn from it if you let yourself. Or you might just have the peace from letting your feelings come out and discovering that you aren’t as bad a person as you thought you were! I don’t think I am alone here!
In writing, you can spew it all onto paper or screen and know that you are the only one to read it unless you share, which I won’t. I promise you don’t want to read the uncensored me. It can be pretty messy. As we all are. I think only a few close people really know who we each really and truly are. I have a handful of people who have seen me mentally and physically lose it when things are hard. You know, the heaving shoulders, snotty nose, runny mascara, sobbing body. The mad, swearing, irrational, crazy, unreasonable self. And they are still around. Thank goodness! Because those people who have seen you at your lowest and still love you are the kinds of people that are true. And I need all of them.
And now I am going to stop being honest with myself and have some chocolate ice cream (hey, I’ve been running, ok!) and read the new Sophie Kinsella book, because she is hilarious and because it is due back to the library soon.