Anyone can Write · Family · Miscarriage and loss · Parenting · Spiritual Sundays · Tell Your Story

Spiritual Sundays: Strollers and His will

We cleaned out our garage yesterday.  Many of you who know us know that our garage is a place to park our junk and not our car.  We have made a goal (again) that this year we are parking in the garage!  As we’re cleaning it out, I spy the strollers.  One is a double stroller I got when Spencer (now 9) was a new baby.  It’s a sit n stand aka the greatest invention for families with lots of little kids. I saw it at a consignment store when I was shopping with my friend, Laurie.  It was $100, I think?  A lot of money for college students with two kids but it would save the day! I believe I didn’t buy it, then I called the store in a panic an hour later and they put it on hold for me. Thanks to Laurie for pushing me to get it. She was usually right about those kinds of things. This stroller has been all over Las Vegas, Iowa and Idaho. Think corralling the kids and pushing a lot of pounds all over town.  And they all fight over their spot and they get kicked out of their spot when another baby comes along.

The kids saw it and they reverted back to years ago when we would go on walks.  They talked about their seats and “This was my favorite spot.” And “I loved sitting here.” They sat in their spots, now much older and too big for their spots. My heart got a little weepy hearing them. How had they grown so fast?  But we really don’t have a purpose in keeping the strollers.  Everyone is old enough to walk a long way, even miles through the forest.  Look how far we have come!

But my heart is still attached to that stroller, just like I was attached to those spoons.  I know another family will get great use out of that stroller and it is definitely a space hog.  So, we’ll pass it on. I don’t know if we’ll be that family who has all the kids in school and another baby comes along. We’ve all heard about them. They sold all their baby equipment and lost 20 pounds and then had another baby at age 42.  And they have to buy new baby stuff all over again.

But I am ok if we are that family and I am ok if we’re not.  For now, I have to be ok with where we are.  Today, Blake and I were talking and I said, “Maybe it’s time for us to do a few things well, instead of a lot of things halfway.”  Pretty much the last ten years has been a lot of things halfway.  We have had multiple jobs at the same time, a generally messy house (and garage), lots of church callings, lots of school activities and homework.  And a lot of rushing here and there to get it all done.  And we are pretty simple people.  Our kids don’t do many activities and we try to keep weekends open.  But such is the life with children, their life becomes your life.

Maybe Heavenly Father knows us better than we know us.  Maybe he sees that I need a breather.  Maybe he sees that I need to concentrate on other things right now instead of being preoccupied about our family being complete.  As much as I trust His will and knowledge, it still hurts my heart. Many times, I have thought, “Have I not done enough?”  “Am I not getting the mothering right?”  What is the reason for these miscarriages?  While I don’t have an answer right now, I feel comfort in knowing that He knows the plan.  He knows what is best for us.  And He does it out of love not because He wants to torture me.  His plan is a plan of love.  I know that and that is what gets me through when I can’t see all the answers.

Left: This guy was a new baby when we bought the stroller.  Sure love him.  Right: A clean garage. Say what?!

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