I am really supposed t to be writing an article for a submission. The article is about how to help you and your family through a miscarriage. I emailed this magazine about it a month ago and they liked my plan and wanted me to submit it. I still haven’t written it! I was talking to my mom about it today. She said I needed to get going so she could get the email saying I had something published in this magazine!
I told her I didn’t want to write it because it will bring up old feelings and I am still recovering. And it’s hard! I really don’t want to write it! I even have an outline in my head and know what I am going to write about. It’s just revisiting the whole thing is hard. Overall, we are doing well. I still think about it every day. We talk about it in our family. I suggested visiting our little spot at the cemetery but most of the kids were a little upset by it.
I asked my seven year old daughter about it a few weeks ago. She said she wanted a baby. But no, she didn’t but yes, she did. Then she told my friend, Karen who had just had a baby, “My mom had a baby the size of a walnut but it died.” Karen being the great person that she is said, “I had a baby die that was the size of a pea. So I bet they’re hanging out together in heaven.” But it just made me realize that we are all still dealing with this. She didn’t know about the last miscarriage only the twins one (which she didn’t know were twins!) It’s just hard to bring this all up again.
But if I can help some family who might have to deal with this someday, I guess I can do it. Obviously, I still have unresolved feelings. I know time heals. But I have never had a miscarriage that didn’t end with another child eventually. My first miscarriage was ten years ago and I had our son, Spencer a year later. It helped ease the pain of the miscarriage. It’s just hard to face the facts that our family ends this way but I could get some closure or at least acceptance of things by writing this article.
I know I am generally optimistic in my writing on this site, but some feelings are just real. They aren’t positive but they are real feelings and dealing with them doesn’t have to end in a positive way. Maybe the feelings just are what they are and to accept them as they are is the positive thing.
Art found here